ACCESS DENIED: "Being sad about not getting the girl you like is misogynistic"
Too bad it is.
See, women are not obligated to give themselves to you.
Maybe if you weren’t so entrenched in your own shit, you’d realize that.
Being sad about having your heartbroken is not the same as feeling entitled…
I have yet to see any evidence, ever, that any man complaining about being “Friendzoned” feels entitled to romance or sex. It’s just automatically assumed. In fact, I see more people talking about what they think these men believe than providing examples, even on blogs supposedly dedicated to it.
Men are taught they’re owed women? Then why are they the ones, socially, who are told they have to earn their way into a woman’s heart? To provide for her, support her, buy her a big expensive wedding ring? Why does a man complaining about not getting dates get mocked, yet women asking where all the “good men” have gone and asking about men’s lack of “commitment” is an issue so major it ends up on magazine covers?
“Friendzone” covers both passive and active rejection. For example. What, pray tell, is the functional difference between “I have feelings for this person yet they see me only as a friend” and “I’m in the friendzone”? Because I’ve seen people say that using the latter is a 100% sign of entitlement every time (when used by a straight man WRT a woman). You are aware the term is, in fact, non-gendered, right? Just ask MTV. What about all the lesbians, gay men, and straight women who use it? This kid was accused of rape because he rejected a girl, and got beaten to a pulp. I’d say she thought she was pretty entitled.
Conflating “nice guy” and “friendzone” is a common tactic. What’s often skipped over is the term “nice guy” is also shorthand, for “a man women claim has many desirable characteristics of a potential romantic partner but do not actually select for”. As in “you’re such a nice guy, I wish I could find someone like you”. For some strange reason, men may take that as a come-on, only to be disappointed when it turns out not to be the case. Does that mean it’s okay to swear at the woman in question? No. Does that mean they felt entitled to the woman? Probably not. Perhaps someone should actually ask them, instead of using magic mind-reading powers. I mean, I know I’d be pretty frustrated if women or women kept telling me I was desirable without actually desiting me.
And bringing us to our final paragraph, we’ve already established that friendzone is both gender-neutral, and includes actively being rejected, so this paragraph’s already been disproven, as has the idea of the Fake Nice Guy (aka “Nice Guy™”). Heck, look at some of these, assuming they’re true (NFSW sidebar). Or these. To be fair, men friendzone women as well. I’ve done it myself a time or two (which I suppose means I somehow think I’m entitled to the girls I rejected, or I think they’re entitled to me, or something), and here’s an entire reddit thread with dozens upon dozens of stories of men somehow missing the point.
Not a single negative thing you’ve said has really anything to do with the term itself, but with what people associate with men - and exclusively men - who use the term with regards to what women do to them. It’s a transparent rationalization used to make women feel less guilty about rejecting someone they’re close to; “oh, they were never really a friend at all!” It’s trying to shame someone out of their own disappointment. There’s a reason so many people literally try to prevent anyone even using the term, declaring it a “myth”. If you reject someone, it’s usually going to hurt them, ladies and gents. Suck it up. If you can’t handle that, it’s no one else’s fault but yours, especially if you make up nonsense about how it’s not really your fault. I’m currently avoiding getting involved with a girl I’m interested in who I’m fairly sure think has a crush on me because I’m moving in a few months and I don’t want to break her heart. If she asks, I plan to turn her down as gently as possible. If she’s upset, I would assume, barring contrary evidence, she’s upset about being rejected, not feeling entitled.
The only real difference between what Just Smith rebutted and the points you made is that you pulled back to “relationship” instead of “sex”. Both you and LM based your posts on unproven and unprovable assumptions about the desires of men. Are these true of some straight men using the term “nice guy” or “friendzone”? Sure. All of them? No. Most of them? We can’t even be sure of that.
What’s really odd is that many of these conversations about why friendzone’d guys and Nice Guys™ “really” complain effectively say a woman is entitled to niceness and/or a friendship.
/rant
(via reactionaryhater)
Source: abuttmaleprivilege
